Swinging Texts


I don’t know how many people saw the premier episode of Neighbors with Benefits on A& E recently,but the show brought up an issue about whether it is O.K. to text someone in the swinging lifestyle other than your primary partner.

In the show, the wife of a young couple is seen sending texts to the husband of another couple as she tried on sexy outfits for an upcoming “swinger party”. The husband started to grow concerned about the texts and sought out the advice of one of the popular couples that puts on these parties. His advice was that the texts were very inappropriate.

The husband went home and asked his wife if she had seen the texts and when she said no, he handed her the phone and the drama began. Of course, reality TV wouldn’t be reality TV without plenty of manufactured drama, (I covered that on an article I wrote called When Reality is not Real) but this poses the question, is it O.K. to text sexy pics to someone else in the lifestyle. The answer is simple: it depends.

  1. Does your partner know that you are texting this person?
  2. Does the partner of the person texting you know you are getting these texts?
  3. How “sexy” are the pictures
  4. Did you make a deal not to tell anyone?
  5. Do you delete the pics/text so no one will find out?

If you answer no to 1 or 2 or yes to any of 3 – 4, the answer is no, it’s not O.K.

I get sexy pics all the time from friends of mine that are in the lifestyle. I have played with some of these friends and some I haven’t. My wife knows about all of them and I love showing her the best ones. She is welcome to look through my messages and my iPad anytime she wants, I have nothing to hide.

Communication in any relationship is key. Communication for a couple in an open relationship is even more important. Being honest and being able to share texts, pictures and even fantasies with the person you love is something that a lot of people can’t understand, but for those that do, it is liberating and empowering.

While I am driving, my wife will often answer my phone for me and she will send sexy pics back and forth to other couples and singles. We like to flirt on the phone, on private FaceBook groups and on adult lifestyle websites. Its part of the foreplay, part of the excitement we get from being in an open relationship.

I’ve seen people forget proper etiquette and fall into a pattern of private texts that they keep from their partner and it always comes back to haunt them. In the end, it is about building trust within your relationship. It is about respecting your partner by including them in your communications outside your primary relationship. Because, if it doesn’t include them, then you aren’t really in an open relationship, you are in it for yourself. That is not a partnership.

So text away, I am not saying you shouldn’t, but if you do, do it together. The couple that texts together, stays together.

JonGunnar Gylfason