A Glossary of Open Relationship Terms

Terminology is so important when it comes to the inclusivity of all the dynamic variations of relationships and connections that make up the poly/open relationship/sex-positive sphere also recently known as the “lifestyle.” It’s not enough to refer to us as “swingers” anymore. It’s so much more than that. At our events, you’ll meet couples and singles exploring so many different types of relationships, with their own individual set of boundaries, rules, and ways of communicating. It’s great to know what these types of relationships are called, what they mean, and how they work. The more you know, the better time you will have.

Here are some terms that describe open relationship situations. See if any apply to you.

BDSM Non-Monogamy

BDSM elements can be present in any relationship form but some non-monogamy relationships allow for an extra BDSM relationship, either with or without a sexual component. It’s usually, but not always because the other partner just doesn’t share the same kinks as their partner.

Closed-Group Swinging

Closed-group swinging is a form of swinging that involves participants having multiple sexual partners who are all within a specific group of people. A common example of closed-group swinging is when couples who are friends regularly switch partners.

Closed V

The closed V is a handy way of describing the dynamics of a polyamorous relationship where two people share a romantic and sexual connection with the third, but not to each other. The third person who is involved with both people is sometimes called “the hinge of the V.” And since the two “legs” of the V don’t connect together, it doesn’t make a triangle. A closed V is generally used when both partners have a decent level of closeness otherwise but aren’t sexually involved. This generally comes up when all three partners live together but don’t operate as a triad. 

DADT (Don’t Ask Don’t Tell)

Sometimes abbreviated as DADT, this means there’s an agreement between primary partners that they’re aware that their partner will be seeking out additional relationships, but they don’t want to have to be confronted with the details of it. Basically, the other relationship functions like a cheating affair, but with one level of deceit removed. 

Ethical Non-Monogamy

Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is the practice of taking part in romantic relationships that are not completely exclusive between two people. The practice of having more than one sexual partner, although the “ethical” part is used to differentiate it from cheating. It’s also sometimes called consensual non-monogamy or sometimes just plain ol’ open relationships.

Hierarchical Polyamory

In this situation, a couple, either married or in a long-term relationship, decide to embark on the journey of polyamory together. But the hierarchical polyamorous couple is open and transparent that they are each other’s priorities and that their relationship comes first. This relationship is called the Primary. The arrangement is usually consensual and understanding among all parties.

Lifestyle

Swingers, as you likely know, are people who have recreational sex with others but don’t necessarily pursue romantic relationships with them. While both terms mean the same thing, younger swingers tend to prefer the euphemism “in the lifestyle” to get away from the stereotypical ideas of swinging.

Monogamish

Relationships that are romantically monogamous also allow for agreed-upon outside sexual relationships. Usually, you live your lives as a monogamous couple with all of the benefits, but you happen to engage in outside sexual play at times,”

Polyfidelity

A form of polyamory in which a group of people agrees to be sexually exclusive with each other and not have lovers outside of the group. Also known as a “polycule.”

Quad

A quad is genuinely a free-for-all. Four people maintain some kind of romantic and sexual connection, but it’s not necessarily in every configuration. In fact, it’s fairly common for at least one person in a quad to have a close relationship but not a sexual one, to another person in the group. 

Relationship Anarchy

The application of anarchist principles to intimate relationships. Its values include autonomy, anti-hierarchical practices, lack of state control, anti-normativity, and community interdependence.

Soft-Swap Swinging

A partner trade that doesn’t involve penetration. It could involve anything from kissing to oral sex, BDSM, cuddling, whatever floats your boat.

Throuple or Triad

In a traditional triad, all partners are in a romantic and sexual relationship with each other. So a triad actually has four relationships playing out: the one-on-one relationship between each person in the triad to each other, and then the relationship between all three partners. 

Unicorn Polyamory

An arrangement between a couple and a single person—they are usually a bisexual man or a nonbinary person.