EVERYONE HAS A STORY. NOT EVERYONE IS READY TO PUT THEIR NAME ON IT.
Something happened in our Naughty N’awlins Facebook group this week that taught me something I didn’t know.
A couple of members contacted me because they were concerned about someone who appeared to be participating without using their normal Facebook name. At first, I honestly had no idea what they were talking about. They sent me screenshots, I started digging, and I discovered a Facebook feature I didn’t even know existed.
Facebook recently introduced Nicknames for Groups, which allows someone to participate in a group using a nickname and a different profile photo instead of displaying their main Facebook identity to everyone else.
We didn't turn this feature on—or even know it existed. Facebook says Nicknames may be automatically enabled for eligible groups, and when we looked at our settings, it was already enabled in ours.
We could turn it off.
We've decided not to.
ANONYMOUS AND NICKNAMES AREN'T THE SAME THING
We've allowed Anonymous Participation for some time. Nicknames are different.
An anonymous participant can make a particular post or comment without other members seeing their main Facebook identity. A nickname gives someone an alternate identity they can use while participating in the group.
There's an important part of both features that isn't immediately obvious:
They're private from other group members. They're not private from the people running the group.
Our admins and moderators can see the main Facebook profile associated with anonymous and nickname activity. So using either feature doesn't eliminate accountability.
If someone crosses a line, we can delete the content. We can contact them privately and have a conversation. We can give them another chance when that's appropriate. And when it isn't, we can remove or ban them.
Privacy isn't a free pass to behave badly.
SO WHY ALLOW IT?
Because of the kinds of conversations people sometimes have in our community.
Imagine someone wants to ask:
"My husband and I are thinking about coming to Naughty N'awlins. I recently told him I'm bisexual, but I've never actually been with another woman. I'm curious, but I'm also nervous. Has anyone else come to the event feeling this way?"
That's a perfectly reasonable question.
It's also a very personal one.
Maybe she's comfortable discussing it with thousands of people in our group but isn't ready to have her name and photograph attached to it. Maybe she's not out to her family. Maybe coworkers are Facebook friends. Maybe she's simply trying to understand something about herself before she's ready to share it publicly.
Then imagine somebody else responding:
"I'm glad you brought this up. I've been afraid to ask something like this under my regular profile. I'm looking forward to hearing what others have to say and learning about their experiences."
Suddenly the original question helped two people.
And there may be another 20 people silently reading the conversation who have wondered exactly the same thing.
That's the part I don't want us to lose.
WHAT ABOUT THE BAD APPLES?
There's a legitimate downside to allowing people to participate anonymously or under nicknames. Give people a little anonymity and occasionally someone will use it as an excuse to behave in a way they wouldn't under their regular name.
Some group administrators have responded by turning these features off completely.
We've decided to take a different approach.
We'll deal with the bad apples when they show up, rather than taking the option away from everyone else.
If someone uses privacy to harass another member, violates our rules, or behaves inappropriately, we'll deal with that person. We know which Facebook account is behind the activity, and we have the same moderation tools available to us.
We'd rather deal with the occasional person who abuses the privilege than prevent someone with a genuinely sensitive question from asking it.
A few bad actors shouldn't be the reason everyone else loses the ability to have a little privacy.
MAYBE A LITTLE MORE UNDERSTANDING
I've seen people give anonymous posters a hard time simply because they chose to post anonymously.
"Why are you hiding?"
"Why won't you put your name on it?"
Sometimes those may be fair questions. But before assuming someone is hiding for the wrong reasons, maybe we should consider what they're asking—and why they might not be ready to attach their name to it.
Naughty N'awlins brings together people with different experiences, relationships, sexualities, comfort levels and boundaries. Some people have been part of this world for decades. Others are taking their very first steps into it.
Privacy and accountability don't have to be mutually exclusive.
We can give people room to ask difficult questions while still holding them responsible for how they treat others. We can protect someone's privacy without protecting bad behavior.
And maybe the next time you see an anonymous question or an unfamiliar nickname, instead of wondering what that person is hiding, consider another possibility:
They may finally have found a place where they feel comfortable enough to ask.
Everyone has a story. Not everyone is ready to put their name on it.
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